Free
ME with my Responsibilities!!
A
voice surrounds me saying ‘You need to be independent'. You need to seek for
the freedom where you are responsible for your own self, your thoughts and your
views. You have to create your own ideas, perspectives, decide for yourself,
and choose your own pathway.’ These words hit my conscience every day; those
are my inner voices that are guiding me. The voice inside me wants me to find
myself, fall in love with myself and enjoy life at the present moment of my
company. I am craving to know, love and enjoy myself without caring for others,
being selflessly selfish.
In the crowd of diverse people and amidst of
all the schedules I get lost, I tend to forget myself and think about others,
listen to them keeping myself too busy to think about ‘ME”. It’s been long that
I have been thinking about others, thinking of my parents, my family and people
close to me. It feels like if I, me and my desires don’t exist at all, at least
not for myself, it was all for others. There might have few things that I did
for myself however, when I have to count for majority it was for others. And at
this moment I remember the time when someone asked me ‘What was the last thing
you did for yourself loving yourself?’ I was numb, no thoughts and no answers.
I felt I ever or rarely loved myself. And now I want to think about myself, independently
not in relationship with anyone, not as a daughter, not as a sister or anyone,
just as a woman, just as an individual, a soul that is waiting to unlock self.
I
do respect others perspectives and ideas but I don't want to get influenced by
others thought process and decisions. I want to silence all the outer voices
and want to listen to the inner voice that is inside me, trying to navigate my
direction to my own destiny. I want to hear the voice that was unheard by me. I
want to live for myself first then for others. I want to love myself first then
others. I want to listen to my inner voices then listen to others. I want to understand
myself then make room for others. I want to be simply me first then to be daughter,
sister and others.
I
used to think and complain that I have no one who listen to me, who understand
me moreover, none at least to give a try to listen me patiently and be with me
to understand me. And now I realize when I was ignoring myself, I was expecting
others to prioritize me. It sounds ridiculous to me these days as I am
learning.
I
am learning to love myself, prioritize myself first, learning to be selfish
selflessly. I am learning to live each moment with myself first and then with
others company. I am learning to hear the voices that are inside me silencing
all the outer voices of other people. I am here in isolation to be in my
company and to love it like nothing else. I am doing things I love. I am
falling in love and I am so glad that I feel I have wings to fly. I am simply
loving this!
