Feeling of LOVE!

Life is Beautiful

The feeling of love is such,

You feel each moment full of happiness bunch,

Everything hits you with a smiles’ punch.

Every noise sounds melodious,

All the chaotic situations make you flourish,

All the mischief of your children feels joyous.

Oh Lord! This isn’t the feeling that I felt ever,

And the emotions that I experienced before,

And the thoughts that came never.

Thank you, Thank you for making me realize,

My appreciation to all those who helped me,

Then I Fell for the real thing and recognized.

Falling in love is the most precious feeling,

The sensations that make you feel complete,

The sentiments that help you nurture,

The awareness that enables to see, feel the beauty in everything,

 The consciousness that echoes “I love myself”,

The insight that reverberates “Indeed Life is beautiful!”

Search is on!

I am in a search,

A search for my Identity,

In your life,in my life,

 As Osho said you can love when you can be nobody,

I agreed I became nobody,

But yet I want to be somebody,

Someone in your life,

My identity relating with you.

Well it's said when love is there you don't need anythg,

I agree I don't need anythg,

Yet I need something,

I want to tell I belong to you,

Not only in front of you and me,

But in front of your world and my world.

Disagreements will be there you know and I do,

But I am ready to face it all,

Face all odds with you,

Explore you and myself being together,

Live every moment of my life with you.

Free ME with my Responsibilities!!

Free ME with my Responsibilities!!

A voice surrounds me saying ‘You need to be independent'. You need to seek for the freedom where you are responsible for your own self, your thoughts and your views. You have to create your own ideas, perspectives, decide for yourself, and choose your own pathway.’ These words hit my conscience every day; those are my inner voices that are guiding me. The voice inside me wants me to find myself, fall in love with myself and enjoy life at the present moment of my company. I am craving to know, love and enjoy myself without caring for others, being selflessly selfish.

In the crowd of diverse people and amidst of all the schedules I get lost, I tend to forget myself and think about others, listen to them keeping myself too busy to think about ‘ME”. It’s been long that I have been thinking about others, thinking of my parents, my family and people close to me. It feels like if I, me and my desires don’t exist at all, at least not for myself, it was all for others. There might have few things that I did for myself however, when I have to count for majority it was for others. And at this moment I remember the time when someone asked me ‘What was the last thing you did for yourself loving yourself?’ I was numb, no thoughts and no answers. I felt I ever or rarely loved myself. And now I want to think about myself, independently not in relationship with anyone, not as a daughter, not as a sister or anyone, just as a woman, just as an individual, a soul that is waiting to unlock self.

I do respect others perspectives and ideas but I don't want to get influenced by others thought process and decisions. I want to silence all the outer voices and want to listen to the inner voice that is inside me, trying to navigate my direction to my own destiny. I want to hear the voice that was unheard by me. I want to live for myself first then for others. I want to love myself first then others. I want to listen to my inner voices then listen to others. I want to understand myself then make room for others. I want to be simply me first then to be daughter, sister and others.

I used to think and complain that I have no one who listen to me, who understand me moreover, none at least to give a try to listen me patiently and be with me to understand me. And now I realize when I was ignoring myself, I was expecting others to prioritize me. It sounds ridiculous to me these days as I am learning. 

I am learning to love myself, prioritize myself first, learning to be selfish selflessly. I am learning to live each moment with myself first and then with others company. I am learning to hear the voices that are inside me silencing all the outer voices of other people. I am here in isolation to be in my company and to love it like nothing else. I am doing things I love. I am falling in love and I am so glad that I feel I have wings to fly. I am simply loving this! 

Live –in relation with you!

Live –in relation with you!

I know in Nepal to talk about relationships out of marriage is appalling, even more talking about live-in relationship is a taboo.  But I want to express my opinions as a free citizen of a free nation without being concerned on others perception towards it but at the same time respecting the differential views.

 I have always fantasized being in a live-in relationship with my beloved or my about-to-be husband.  As a kid I had watched lots of Hollywood movies and got influenced by it. May be highly influenced by Western lives revealed in movies or may be just my instincts, but I want be in a live-in relationship where me and my beloved would stay away from our families with or without being legally married.

I am not denying the responsibility of being husband and wife.  More than that in Nepalese society the responsibility of being with the in-laws and all the things that is needed to be done when being in family is more significant. No matter how less time a husband and wife gets in private to know each other, they are expected and needed to fulfill familial responsibilities utmost. I do agree we need to go through all those phases in life as it has been the long run tradition in here. But for me, I want to feel the real love in independence.

I want to experience the real love that we share with each other without any external forces acting upon us. I want to know the actual nature of you and me when we are an individual and not someone’s son or daughter-in-law or someone or just anyone.  I want to explore what you like and don’t, what you do in a daily basis when you are not responsible for anyone else but only you and I want to see the true nature of you as an individual who is being himself and not being allied with any others expectation and/or responsibilities. I want to extract the best out of us.

I want to experience the independent life with the one I love. I want to live with my partner without any interference of family or other relatives, no extra responsibilities of what others would think, say or how would my behaviour or his behaviour result into something else in my and/or his family. I just want to experience the true nature of myself and my beloved without any others permission needed to do things we want to. I want to be acquainted with the actual us without anyone’s intrusion not even in the least possible ways.

As I share this thought, I realize I am in a live-in relation. It may not be someone that I will get married or with anyone of opposite sex but definitely with someone I love. I am in a live-in relationship with one of my girl friend with whom I am falling in love as day passes by. Yes, living with you I partially feel that I am in a live-in relationship. I am falling in love with myself and with you in every bit of moment that we are spending. Watching from your morning yawn to the time when you close your eyes at night have gradually made me fall in love with you. The way you cook listening to music, the way you talk with your friend and that gestures and laughter you make in between your conversations that I hear, the way our thoughts resembles time and again and our discussions about life, love and uncertainty has made me a big fan of yours. The space that we have, the care we do and the time we spent with each other in that lonely roof, on the way to explore the jungle and while we are busy doing our own tasks has drawn me closer to you.

I have wanted to live away from my home for some time now. And somehow I got this chance to fulfill it and for the first time I am out my safety net. This experience to live away from my family is definitely challenging but I am glad that I made this decision. I am starting to explore myself, do things that I want and learn different new things. I feel I am finding the best out of me and hope you too are. Moreover, being with you has been most remarkable and motivating. I am able to see you as the real you and perceive myself as a real individual.  The true nature of individuals that we are is being unveiled in this stay and I’m loving it! J

Failure

Failure

Failure doesn't mean that you are a failure;
It does mean you haven't yet succeeded.
Failure doesn't mean you have accomplished mothing;
It mean you have learnt something.
Failure doesn't mean you have been defeated;
It means you must have lot of faitht.
Failure doesn't mean you have been lazy;
It means you have to do something in a different way.
Failure doesnoot mean you are inferior;
It means you are not perfect.
Failure doesn't mean you have wasted your life;
It mean you have a reason to start afresh.
Failure doesn't mean you should give up;
It means you must try harder till you succeed.
Failure desn't mea you will never manke it;
It means it will take a little linger time.
Failure doens't mean that God has abandoned you;
It means that God has a Better way for you.

---Author unknown---

It died before it came out of its cocoon.

A day with my loved one and yet I feel awkward, may be because I know this love wont flourish, it will die as a bud, without coming out of its cocoon. So many dreams that we had, so many things that we wanted for ourselves and its all broken into pieces that I can barely gather. The feelings that we shared, the butterflies that I felt and that invisible bond that we are attached is so strong but seems we need to weaken it or may be it has weakened.

I think

I think

I think,

Its time, time to open eyes.

Its right, right that education is future.

Its poem, poem of my feelings.

I think,

Its too late, late for apology.

Its fun, fun for you people to kill your brother.

Its poem, poem of feelings of a mother, Nepal.

I think,

Its waste, waste to think about Nepal’s future.

Its worst, worst to think our future.

Its poem, poem about my unknown feelings dedicated you all.